The Belonging Paradox

PROLOGUE

That evening, as I stood on stage at the plaza, the sight of thousands of people seated around one thousand round tables filled me with a surge of awe and determination. They had come from diverse backgrounds, identities and experiences to participate in the largest facilitated street dialogue the world had ever seen. Holding the microphone, I felt the power of leadership awaken within me like never before. Yet, I knew they hadn't gathered to hear me speak. They came to listen to each other, to reclaim a lost sense of solidarity and to co-create solutions for a better future. My role wasn't to give a speech, but to hold the space, set the right energy and create the conditions for true connection to unfold.

This moment, at the height of the social justice protest movement in the summer of 2011, marked a peak in my career. It was the convergence of my two primary passions, both professional and personal: connecting people beyond differences and social innovation.

As an organizational development consultant, I have spent the past 30 years delivering hundreds of hours of consulting, partnering with dozens of CEOs, senior executives and leadership teams at companies such as HP, Teva Pharmaceuticals, Monday.com, Intel and many others. Throughout my career, one central theme has guided my work: helping leaders and teams unlock their fullest potential by strengthening the connections between them. Whether navigating organizational change, fostering collaboration, or bridging divides, my focus has always been on cultivating deeper, more authentic relationships that enable people to thrive together.

As a social innovation entrepreneur, my work has been dedicated to closing social gaps and building bridges between groups in conflict. Leveraging insights from my consulting career, I have ventured into some of the most challenging environments, such as the Israeli-Palestinian conflict, where I facilitated transitions from fear and hatred to hope and co-creation. I headed the Israeli office of the NGO 'Center for Emerging Futures,' where, alongside a Palestinian partner, I co-facilitated dozens of 'Global Village Square' meetings — gatherings that allowed adversaries to meet as humans and form friendships beyond fear and stereotypes.

Whether in my role as an organizational consultant or as a social entrepreneur, my focus has always been on lowering defenses, fostering genuine listening and restoring the creative partnerships necessary for both business success and positive social impact.

After completing my master's degree in social and industrial psychology, I had the opportunity to study public administration at Harvard Kennedy School. I was also part of the teaching team of Professor Otto Scharmer, the creator of the Theory U model, at MIT Sloan School of Management. These experiences provided me with a global perspective, revealing that despite our differences as individuals, nations and cultures, we face common challenges in what divides us and causes disconnection.

In The Belonging Paradox I share insights from both careers, bridging business and social impact to address pressing issues in organizations, societies and the global community. The world around us is burning — not everyone experiences this firsthand, but global warming, pandemics, terrorism, wars, refugee crises and social inequality will inevitably reach our doorsteps if we don't act.

In The Belonging Paradox, I explore two central themes. First, our world is experiencing unprecedented levels of disconnectedness and polarization, leading to a global empathy crisis that demands urgent action. Second, solving the greatest challenges of our time requires us to foster a sense of belonging by bringing together diverse groups and working in genuine partnership.

A few years ago, I recall a visit to London where I met a close friend of mine from a Sikh origin. I recall asking him with curiosity why Sikhs wear turbans. His response struck me: "We had a king who declared that everyone should wear a turban because you are all kings." This message resonated deeply with my belief that leadership is for everyone, not just a select few.

CHAPTER 1: INTRODUCTION

To be like everyone else and also to be unique: these conflicting forces to both assimilate and stand out have operated within me since childhood. They are impulses that exist in each of us, reflective of our human nature. I call this ongoing tension 'The Belonging Paradox' — the challenge of balancing our need for uniqueness with our equally strong desire to belong.

Everyone is born with a unique fingerprint. They possess external and internal qualities that make them unique and special. At the same time, humans are social animals, with a biological and evolutionary tendency to belong to groups. We live with perpetual tension, striving to establish our uniqueness at the same time as trying to fit in.

A Child's Perspective

The home in which I grew up was the home of Holocaust survivors, where parents did not talk about what happened during the war because they wanted to protect their children, avoiding the horror stories of the recent past. But everything was bubbling beneath the surface. As a child, I sensed the things that were not talked about and internalized the need to be sensitive, careful and always on guard.

My mother was a baby in 1939. My grandmother had to carry her in her arms as they fled Warsaw, only days before the Nazi invasion. As a young child, mom was so hungry that she learned to grab every piece of food thrown on the ground before the rats did.

My father was only three when his family was forced to move into the Warsaw Ghetto. There he witnessed the Ghetto's Jewish population shrink from 300,000 to less than 20,000. At the age of seven, during the Warsaw Ghetto Uprising of 1943, my father had to crawl through the sewers and navigate in the dark to escape the Ghetto.

I was born in Israel two years after the Six-Day War of June 1967, then, at the age of four, lived through the Yom Kippur War of October 1973. Conflict and its disastrous consequences never seemed far away.

Trying to Fit In

My parents spoke Polish at home, which meant I grew up fluent in that language, which was quite unusual among Israelis for whom Hebrew was the first language. I had blond hair and my aunts and grandmother would affectionately refer to me as a non-Jewish "Goy." When I started school, I made every effort to hide my Polish roots, trying to look like a regular kid. But it took time and effort to learn how to hide my Polish accent. My distinctiveness remained, though, despite my best efforts to fit in. Over the years, I learned to accept this distinctiveness as a unique gift rather than as an obstacle to belonging.

In 1977, when I was in third grade, President Anwar el-Sadat of Egypt, considered by many a great enemy of our nation, visited Israel. This unprecedented visit by an Arab leader opened a peace process between Israel and Egypt. It was an unbelievable moment that demonstrated that even the worst enemies can find ways to reconciliation.